Artist in conversation: dermai zan young
Dermai Zan Young is an artist whose work delves into the depths of the human psyche, using color and paint as a medium to give expression to subconscious processes and repressed emotions. Through her art, Dermai explores how experiences become enmeshed in the complex networks of our bodies, revealing layers upon layers of hidden narratives.
Defying patriarchal ideals of decision-making and perfectionism, Dermai's practice embraces the power of intuition, bodily impulse, and the present moment. Her work provides a physical and metaphysical space where survival mechanisms, pain intertwined with joy, and the complexities of the human experience are acknowledged, permitted, and released. In her art, she embodies the act of holding onto emotions and then letting go, recognizing instinctual boundaries, and finding the courage to express what needs to be said,
even when the words may be unknown – all as acts of healing.
Dermai's personal journey has shaped her artistic vision. Having experienced abuse and neglect, she faced years of debilitating chronic illness, specifically ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Throughout her ongoing recovery, art has played an integral role, providing solace, empowerment, and a means of reclaiming her identity.
Originally from Canada, Dermai Zan Young is currently based in Tel Aviv, where she continues to create
thought-provoking and emotive artwork that challenges societal norms and fosters healing and connection.
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What initially inspired you to become an artist, and how did you develop your unique style?
It wasn’t until my entire life as I knew it fell apart that I ever felt compelled to make art. I developed a debilitating chronic illness that left me disabled for years, I lost my job, my religion, divorced my abusive husband, and found myself repeatedly having vivid visions of colors in the most beautiful combinations when I closed my eyes in utter despair and exhaustion. The out-of-the-blue thought, “I need to paint” kept recurring to the point I couldn’t ignore it anymore. So I bought some paint and began to play.
I struggle with perfectionism and over-thinking so I consciously make my studio a place of letting all that go and just seeing what happens. Basically, allowing the subconscious to reveal itself to me. One of my ongoing symptoms is involuntary and violent movements, and painting always triggers that, so a lot of what happens is within those movements that are not in my control. Unless I've had a specific vision, I make the colors without trying to plan a combo I think will be aesthetically pleasing. I ask myself, “what do I want right now?”, and then I make that, and then the next, and the next, until I feel done. Then I let it rip, getting out of my own way, being fully in the present, and giving myself permission to express whatever I need to express, regardless of the outcome.
In terms of subject matter, what themes or motifs do you frequently explore in your work, and what draws you to these topics?
My insides. The visceral experience of C-PTSD in my body and how layers and layers of experience, both good and bad, are intertwined in the fibers of my being. In my fascia, my nervous system, my brain, my guts, and every cell. Repressed femininity mixed with falling in love mixed with stomping footsteps and slamming doors. The heat of sunshine on my face and the taste of grandma’s borscht somewhere stored beside and marbled with the smell of blood in my mouth and the dropping sensation in the gut of being abandoned once more. I was in survival mode for so long there was no space to feel much at all. And now that I'm safe, I know it’s crucial to my full recovery and the revival of my heart, soul, body, and mind to experience these emotions and let them out. Every painting is a somatic, emotional and spiritual healing journey.
Can you discuss a specific piece or project that challenged you as an artist, and how you overcome those challenges?
There’s no one piece that comes to mind but there is a recurring challenge I face. Being brave enough to get into the studio and regularly dive deep and go down down down, when I've been actively avoiding those murky waters for as long as I can remember, is a challenge. Even though I feel nothing short of ecstasy every time I do it, I often feel resistance and can let any little thing be an excuse to put it off.
Creating a space where I don’t have to do a lot of set-up or clean-up has been huge in terms of making sure it’s easy to go there. But the compulsion to do it is honestly stronger than the fear of making something shit or touching into feelings I don’t understand or know what experience they’re derived from. It’s messy, it’s scary, and sometimes I do it anyway.
How do you stay connected with other artists and keep up with new developments and trends in the art world?
I try to go to openings and meet people but am still longing to connect with more artists. I’d say social media is where I see other people’s work the most and get tips as I continue to learn and grow.
How do you incorporate feedback from critics and audiences into your artistic practice, and how do you balance this feedback with your own artistic intuition?
I really try not to let other peoples’ opinions affect me. This is not a calculated capitalist endeavor. I spent so many years trying to please others, so my artistic practice is all about pleasing myself. I need to light my own spark, fan my own fire, and listen to the depths of my guts of what I need to express. If you like it, great!! If you don’t, it’s not for you, and that’s ok.
How do you stay motivated and inspired despite any setbacks or creative blocks you may encounter?
I don’t know where the end to all that I have repressed and all that needs to come out is. Maybe in a few years it’ll all be out and I'll be done. But for now, it feels never-ending and the visions of color when I'm really tired and close my eyes keep coming so I keep painting. And it brings me such immense satisfaction and joy. It's like getting a nutrient I've been desperately needing my whole life, so I feel compelled to keep getting my fix.
Can you tell us about the role that mental health plays in your creative process and how it influences the themes and subject matter of your art?
My mental health is inextricably linked to my body’s health, which is inextricably linked to my heart. The simultaneous collapse of my mind, body and soul a few years ago has made the interconnectedness of these things so very apparent to me. So to answer the question, my health plays a paramount role in my creative process and is the primary motivation of doing what I do. Making art is a major tool in my healing process. And because a lot of what made me sick I can only remember in fragments, I feel my paintings are a visual story of what happened to me through the frequencies of the colors, the texture, and how it all lands on the canvas, even though I don’t have access to a lot of the memories or words needed to tell the story or understand it consciously.
How do you feel about exhibiting your artworks with The Holy Art Gallery?
The Holy Art Gallery is such an amazing platform for emerging artists to put their work out into the world. The fact that the exhibitions are digital, while still giving the gallery experience, makes it accessible for artists like me, who would otherwise have to ship large works overseas. It’s also environmentally conscientious as I don’t have to package and ship across the globe. Super grateful for the exposure!
Looking ahead, what are your long-term goals and aspirations as an artist, and how do you plan to achieve them?
My long term goals are to be able to sustain my serious art habit while attaining financial security so I can live my later days in relative comfort despite the fact that the earth is on fire and flooding and dying and is anyone else feeling that ecoanxiety is making long-term goals feel in vain?! Helloooo-oooo-ooo–oo? (Echo into the abyss.) I plan to achieve this by selling a lot of paintings ;)
